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Alice in Wonderland (2010)
Reviewed by Feb 21st, 2010

Ah, technology. I have a love/hate relationship with it. Mostly, I just disgusted with people who are more in love with the format something is in than the content. I would rather watch a great film on a shoddy old VHS tape than a shitty film with all sorts of bells and whistles in high-definition 3d. And I would rather watch people running around in prosthetic makeup than whole movies done in CG. CG is for videogames. Real people and places look better in films, for the most part. And don’t say you can’t have bizarre and fantastic locations without CG. It’s been done before. In fact, Tim Burton has done it before. Everybody, go back and watch Beetlejuice.

I had this problem with Star Wars, as well. Of the newer films, I have only watched The Phantom Menace. I think a lot of the CG backgrounds there were pretty cool, and I think CG can be used very well to do the sort of background stuff that would either be impossible or very impractical to do for real. And then you had the characters. They just didn’t look right to me, the ones that were mostly CG. No matter what the budget, no matter how good the animation is, it still pulls me right out of the movie and makes me feel like I’m watching someone play a videogame.

There is also the problem of remakes. I understand them, I just don’t usually like them. Not only because they are often inferior to the originals and they also lack the nostalgic value, but because they are responsible for completely crushing what was left of my faith in artistic vision. It made me realize, once and for all, that the film industry is driven by money. This is why I dropped out of film school. It made me realize that artistic integrity is largely a rather naive fantasy.

Now, I suppose this is an interpretation of the story rather than a remake of any particular version. Likewise, so was Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, but you still can’t help but compare it to other versions you know. And then you realize you just don’t need any more versions of this, and that you’re not on enough drugs to appreciate more versions of this. I mean, if this had come out many years ago and you gave me some acid and told me to watch it, I’d have been entertained. But it wasn’t. and you didn’t. S[.o all I can do is wonder how these couple of hours of my could have been better spent.

But yes, the movie. I’ve forgotten to talk about the movie. Basically, it looks like what would happen if you crossed the average video game cutscene with the video for Soundgarden’s “Black Hole Sun.” A lot of CG, and a lot of people with distorted features. This really brings nothing new to the table, unless you were wondering what would happen if Johnny Depp and Carrot Top had a lovechild. There have been worse film adaptations of this story, and there have been better ones. I’m just not sure what the point of this existing is, unless it’s just to further show that Tim Burton has run out of ideas.

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