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18th Angel
Reviewed by Nov 10th, 2009

This is one of those movies that exemplifies everything wrong with horror these days. Well, not everything, but at least 92 percent of what’s wrong with horror. We have this dumb, transparent conspiracy where a bunch of monks and a geneticist mean to bring back Satan in a human form, following the appearance of eighteen angels. Now the angels aren’t angels at all, they’re just a bunch of good looking kids.

No, the monks aren’t pedophiles, they’re just giving Old Scratch a wide variety of faces to choose from when he returns to Earth in test-tube baby body. This is all based on the Etruscan Book of the Dead, which says that Satan is going to come back to Earth as beauty, not beast. Okay.

So we, the hapless viewers, follow the course of Lucy, the eighteenth kid. Her mom commits suicide after meeting some shady monk, causing her father to allow her to start a modeling career (the kid, not the mother). He conviently gets called out of the country on business to the exact same part of Italy where Lucy is modeling. This happens to be right beside the church where the old shady monk and his geneticist pal are shacking up.

I could say more, but there’s no point. This movie just plain sucks. The directing is the only thing that doesn’t outright suck, but then, you hardly notice that in such a crappy film. The acting is extremely cardboard, the script is laughable, and the plot is so overdone it made me nauseous. And just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, Luci starts levitating above the bed. Okay, so how many Exorcist ripoffs can we have? They just won’t stop! ARG! Please, do not watch this movie. If you do, it may further the careers of chumps trying to sell us the same rehashed shit over and over and over.

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